Our Two Minds

Do you sometimes feel like you want to do something but at the same time you don't want to do it?

You are an intelligent and resourceful person. 

You have worked hard and proved that you can be successful in life. 

You have given everything to the causes you believe in: family, work, friends, success. 

Yet it seems that you are still stuck in the same repeating patterns in life. 

You feel that you were meant for more, but you can't seem to get there.

You have action steps yet something always gets in the way.

I've heard friends and clients say things like:

I just have to push through it.

It's just a matter of finding time to do it.

I try to start but I keep getting distracted.

Something always happens to keep me from it.

It's too much effort to try!

Yet they don't see any progress... 😢

The problem is not that you don't know what to do.

The problem is that your own subconscious self is working against you.

Why?

We all have stories that stay with us our whole lives...

Parents telling us what we can or cannot do.

Events in life that have taught us to fear certain situations.

Conditioning that our upbringing have instilled in us.

And every time we try to go against these stories,

Our subconscious makes us feel nervous, anxious, afraid, panic or even forgetful.

And we "subconsciously" find excuses to hold ourselves back.

This fight-or-flight reaction also obscures our desires.

So your powerful mind is unable to comply and find the clear path.

And the universe is unable to respond clearly and send the right synchronicities our way.

So you see, our minds are made up of two parts: the conscious mind and the sub-conscious mind. And when you feel like the above, the two parts of your mind are pulling you in different directions.

The conscious mind is powerful. It's the wellspring of creativity, it gives you the ability to learn and also to choose a new path and future. It is this conscious mind that determines the actions to take when you set a goal for yourself.

The subconscious mind supports the conscious mind by taking care of all other things that could distract the conscious mind. This is so you don't have to constantly think about these other things. In itself, the subconscious mind is habitual, automatic.

• Bodily functions - The subconscious mind controls all your bodily functions: your heartbeat, your breathing, your digestion and circulatory systems.

• Learned Behaviors - Once you've learned something it gets relegated to your subconscious mind. For example, when you learn to drive a car, you have to consciously think of all the mechanics of pressing on the gas or break, steering the wheel, changing gears. But once you've learned it, driving becomes automatic such that your conscious mind is free to think of other things while you are driving, like what to make for dinner when you get home, the email you're supposed to write to your colleagues, etc.

• Likes and Dislikes - As you experience life, you make a decision on what you like and what you don't like. Unless you consciously decide to change these preferences, you will always like, not like or be indifferent about all sorts of things (e.g. broccoli or certain types of activities or certain types of music). You will automatically choose those things you like.

• Emotions - Certain events and people could also serve as triggers for you to experience certain emotions. Some time in your past you've become habituated to feeling a certain way around certain situations or people. And your subconscious automatically generates these feelings when you encounter similar situations and people. Some of these emotional flare ups happen so quickly that looking back, you wonder where it came from.

• Beliefs - You have learned that the world works a certain way, from your parents, from childhood experiences, from society. This becomes your reality. Sometimes, this view may be true until it no longer works in the new situation that you are in. Most of the time, this view defines the boundaries of what you can do and what you cannot do. And subconsciously, you automatically stay within these boundaries because that's what you have defined as safe. 

The subconscious mind keeps you in these habits that determine your comfort zone, by making you feel uncomfortable whenever you stray from these pre-determined patterns of action, of preferences, of emotions and thinking.

The War Within

When the conscious mind wants to change things that are outside of the above habitual comfort zone, your subconscious mind fights back by making you feel anxious, nervous, panic or even forget things and you get "brain fog". 

It is possible for the conscious mind to re-train the subconscious by repeatedly choosing the new mindset, action or belief. Some techniques that use this approach are CBT (Cognitive Based Therapy), and daily affirmations.

However, the conscious mind has to constantly pay attention because as soon as it gets distracted, the subconscious mind takes over with the old habit. Also, it takes between 18 and 254 days (with an average of 66 days) to form a new habit. That's a long time!

An alternative approach is to use energy techniques to re-program the subconscious so your two minds are in alignment. There are several modalities out there that help. A few I am familiar with are EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques), NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), and Psych-K.

Note that these energy techniques do not change who you are. In fact, they allow the true you to come out more because the "noise" of anxiety, nervousness and stress and erased. But change needs to be sustained and conscious efforts to build new habits and skills are still required.

(This is what I guide people through as we go through our sessions. Check out a full description of my approach here.)

So the next time you feel that you are going in circles, ask yourself... "Am I of two minds about this?"

Until next time!

Michelle Skalnik

Transformational Coach

Ma Vié Belle!